


sun and moon

by amaelamin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Short, Unrequited Love, cosmic metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:48:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27613022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaelamin/pseuds/amaelamin
Summary: what would it be like, donghyuck wonders, to be loved back? to be considered special by thousands is nothing compared to being special to that someone who is special to you.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil
Comments: 12
Kudos: 60





	sun and moon

it’s so ironic that taeil’s surname is moon and his own nickname means sun, donghyuck thinks, because _he_ , not taeil, is the moon. orbiting irresistibly around a taeil-planet that sees him, is aware of him, loves him even, but for all intents and purposes doesn’t really see him, doesn’t love him the way he wants to be loved. donghyuck is loved by thousands, he marvels. thousands and thousands who will never meet him or know him, or get to talk to him, and yet they love him. or maybe that love isn’t the kind of love he wants, he needs, because no part of that love has intimacy, true knowledge, tolerance all in equal parts. what would it be like, donghyuck wonders, to be loved back? to be considered special by thousands is nothing compared to being special to that someone who is special to you. 

taeil shines, and donghyuck reflects his light like a dutiful moon. he feels it making him glow by default, taeil’s face and touch and voice and warmth all rolled into one big searing ball of cosmic heat that is probably going to swallow him up one day. donghyuck laughs and shouts and dances and sings and plays and thinks and feels, incredible longing and quickly-dismissed despair, hot flashes of desire and unbearable want, adoration and admiration and frustration and barely-there-gone-too-fast satisfaction when taeil stops time with a touch or a smile and he focuses on donghyuck like donghyuck is the only one that exists in the whole, wide galaxy. the benevolent planet smiling fondly on its little moon, drawn unresisting to it never to escape its pull. 

there are days taeil’s operating system seems to have a glitch and he acts as if he’s in love with donghyuck too - soft eyes and never-let-me-go fingers and whispers and donghyuck’s all he needs. and then, invariably, taeil snaps back to form like a fog lifting, blinking as if he’s confronted by something he wasn’t supposed to forget. _i’m sorry_ , his fingers seem to say afterwards. _i’m sorry i can’t love you_.

donghyuck is a brittle moon, and johnny sometimes imagines him breaking all into pieces as he hangs in space, circling taeil who remains as intact as ever. but that’s not completely true, because taeil isn’t stupid, and he sees and thinks more than people realise. if donghyuck the moon shattered so would taeil the planet - or taeil the sun - because taeil knows it would be because of him. johnny worries, worries for the two of them, and sends prayer after prayer to every god he can think of without fear of offending that donghyuck learns to swallow his feelings for taeil and bury them deep inside his chest where they can live quietly and without danger to anyone. taeil knows. it’s impossible for him not to know, johnny thinks, when sometimes the way donghyuck feels about taeil blinds the rest of them with its intensity. at first none of them knew what to do with donghyuck’s heart, and finally one by one they each took a part of it to keep in the hopes they could somehow keep it safe. the biggest part, however, and the most vulnerable one, rests in taeil’s hands. taeil carries it around with him gingerly, carefully, but there are days he absentmindedly leaves it upon a shelf or on a chair and those are the days donghyuck’s light nearly goes out.

johnny holds donghyuck as he feel the tears being forcibly dammed by sheer force of will, donghyuck taking deep breaths. this doesn’t happen often - really, at all - and he knows donghyuck is going to be embarrassed to the roots of his hair later but johnny ignores that. donghyuck is a species of creature, a moon-child, that soaks up love like it’s fuel. they’re both adult men, and the deep harsh breaths donghyuck is taking are awkwardly loud, but none of that matters to him, really. johnny strokes his thick hair and lets donghyuck cling to him, his fingers twisting in johnny’s shirt; he remembers donghyuck clinging to him like this at sixteen and eighteen and he supposes twenty isn’t all that different. the tears used to come freely before, but it’s been a long time since donghyuck’s cried in johnny’s arms. johnny rubs donghyuck’s back and knows it’s useless to tell him that’s it’s okay to cry.

it takes longer than usual, this time, for donghyuck to go quiet and still, but johnny lets his moonchild stay as long as he needs.

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/haetsalmoonbit) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/haetsalmoonbit)


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